Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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