now i know why i became what i already was.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dicks are not precious.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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