did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
