I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
