Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
