I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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