I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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