I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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