I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
