Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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