we're blogging at a bar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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