dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
