Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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