An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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