i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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