i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
