They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
