Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
