Ambien. No doubt about it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
