My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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