wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize