So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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