My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
