His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
