why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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