I accidentally burped into my bong.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it's like iHOP with fire
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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