Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
