K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize