Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Rumble strips road head = magical
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
