my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
