He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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