Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
