there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
