this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
