i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
