I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
