Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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