Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
