it wasn't lemon gatorade
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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