my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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