i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
