Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
