I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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