i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
