After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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