Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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