If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
