eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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