Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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