Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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