I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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