I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
