How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
