Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
