yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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