Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
