Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
