I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
