He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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