It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
